Ommmmm....

Someone important said to me that I should start:

focus on all the things I have and give thanks for them
forgive all the people that done me wrong
donate to charity sincerely
visualize good things to happen to me

so then good things will start to happen.

so will I.
Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

Yihaa!

YAY!
FINALLY!
After a tiring eye-dehidrating 2 hours of staring my screen, I had finally figured out a "supposedly" simple html of HOW TO:

Modifiy links - those pages that I check everyday
Add chatterbox - talk to me!
and add counter stats - Wonder how many people had open this page?

Man, why would anybody want to be a programmer? Banyak rambut putih man!

Sparkling

Learned a new word yesterday...

Sequins... Means Sparkly little beads....

These pretty litlle shiny stuffs... I've been wondering what they were called in english, in Indonesian they are called "Manik-manik". I found out when I watched that show by Heidi Klum "Runaway project" and in one of their episode where they were attaching sequins on costumes.

Hmm, eye catching.

Felt

I wish I can tell you how much I love you right on your face everysingle day and tell you how much I really really care about you without feeling ackward about it.

It hurts when I know I dissapointed you. It hurts me when I couldn't take care of you. It hurts knowing you had done so much for me yet there is little I can do to return that.

It hurts me even more seing what you had done good for other people with sincere amicable intentions did only bring you disaster and betrayal. For once I wanted to cruely torture and kill those rotten ass bastards, they don't even deserve to live as a piece of shit.

It hurts to see those graceful kind elegant face had turn into worries and frowns.
Those gentle pride that I adore, that great feeling of achievement that once you had, those strong confident smile that once you carried.
It broke my heart knowing those were all gone.

If only I can get you that ridiculuously expensive anti-aging cream that you used to wear, those annual holidays trips you always wanted, that car you loved so much and babysit for 10 years but sold it, those monthly facial treatment that you used to have, that new badminton racket you've been eyeing for.

Its tearing me apart watching you stinge so much for yourself now knowing that you used to buy the best the greatest grandest things you can afford for us in the past.

If only-if only-if only I can change things and do something significant to turn the table around.
You deserve a fucking good life from those ridiculously hardwork that you done in the past.

To Mom and Dad.
With love,
Me.

************************************************************************************************

P.S. Honestly, It irks me to hell seeing other people I know taking granted of their rich parents, feel like slapping their face with their parents trust fund notes, and poking extra holes on their butt with my pointy stilletos. What a pain in a neck.
Don't get me wrong, I do give my biggest respect to those that appreciate their blessings and never take things for granted.

Double Turn

When I started this new blog, I though I wanna fill it up only with fun and non-so-personal topic remembering those previous ones had been too personal.
I was not going to be very open to share things that are sensitive to me.

But when I think of it again, and again, how blah would that be, I might aswell not started a blog at all, a blog is where I can share anything I want, my thoughts, my life, my pictures, my feelings and other things that are important to me.

I hesitated posting this next writing for a while but then, people that read this blog are people that I know and care about, so it wouldn't do me any harm unless they got offended. Those who read but don't really know who I am wouldn't give a damn ass about any shit I wrote anyways.

So, I have decided that I will write anything I want, so grammatical errors, name callings, mean curses, fugly pictures, embarassing pictures, pms thoughs, honest explicit thoughs, sensitive issues, crazy friends, cheesy romantic moments, won't be censored.

So, nothing too serious to worry about, really. Keep reading as you wish.

Flash

I've been missing so many things in my life that at times when I though about it, I caught myself lost in my own imagination

-Romance, romance, romance, gosh, when was the last time I was romantized...?
I can hardly remember. Walking hand in hand with no particular place to go, or just cuddling with someone I love, giggling over stupid things.. it seems like a thousand year ago.

-Sex, sex, sex, great sex, yeah, who would have not want that?

-And thirdly, when my world seems to have no burden on me, free, just free, doing anything freely, spend my own money as I want to and not caring about anything around me, that might sound kinda selfish, but really, I really missed that.

I remembered one particular day when I walk in the street of Orchard in Singapore, by myself, no friends, no chit chat,no phone calls, no boyfriend, no books, no sunglasses, not doing errands, just by myself.

It was the day that I always remembered, had my favourite fastfood at mos burger,alone, might sound stupid, but I was too free and happy to be bothered, bought this huge mint chocolate bar from mark&spencer and chewed it all as i read many children books and tantric sex books at borders.

I don't know. I really miss that. Really really. I don't know why. I miss being me on that day. The free Lissa I was. I could not forget, I was filled with great energy, so much positive thoughts about life that I was going to face.

I am not trying to sound cheesy here but I guess with age comes more responsibility, more concerns, and more shitty things that we HAVE to face in life.

Well, this is the first blog I wrote here, so I am posting pictures for no particular reason, just to make it more interesting *wink* otherwise people will be bored to death reading typos and more typos.

Photos taken on Narcist day, Me? The one in white.